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"Sure, but I only play dirges." [Jul. 22nd, 2012|11:00 pm]

L: I’m watching “The World is Not Enough” with Robert Carlyle. It’s been like 20 minutes… and no Carlyle. How long does it TAKE to introduce the villain in this movie? They are in Scotland. There are bagpipes.

K: He must be right around the corner, then.

L: He’s watching. Bagpipes are his calling card.

K: It’s a good calling card.

L: Card? More like a singing telegram, really.

K: “I am your Singing Telegram!” *BANG!* 

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Oh customers, you so crazy! [Jul. 11th, 2012|09:35 pm]
I work at a bookstore. I like it. People be trippin'.

“You don’t have the atlas I want! You need to get rid of some of this ‘Walking Dead’ stuff and get in more atlases!”
“Maurice Sendak died.”
“He wrote ‘Where the Wild Things Are.’”
“I didn’t read that. I saw the movie.”
“Have you read ‘50 Shades of Grey’?”
“A bit.”
“Is it as good as they say?”
“Oh yeah. It’s hilarious.”
“Nobody here knows Excel.”
“The difference between Walmart and Mordor is one is the source of all evil, and the other is a fantasy place in a book.”
“I would not recommend any man or woman work at that place.”
“What about beast?”
“Beast would find gainful employment.”
(in cafe)
“You go ahead. I can’t decide.”
“It all looks so good, doesn’t it?”
“Actually, I’m trying to decide what will make me least nauseous.”
“That awkward moment where customers want you to briefly explain ‘The Hunger Games’.”
“It’s about children who kill each other in an arena. You’d like it.”
“It’s a really weird book. It’s about these two virgins… who supposedly never had sex.”
(—customer on James Patterson)
“What’s the difference between a hardcover and paperback?”
“I need a Bible.”
“What version do you need?”
“I don’t know…” (turns to husband) “Honey, are we Baptist or NIV?”
“Did you know there is a 256 person waiting list a the library for this book?”
“Seriously? Are you kidding?”
“No, I’m not kidding.”
“I wrote this book about my family once. It was about this group of guys…”
“You wrote a book about your family and it was about a group of guys?”
“Yeah well, you know, guys in my family like aunts, cousins…”
(overheard on phone)
“From A Buick 8. From a Buick 8. 8, like the number eight. Buick, like the car. Buick 8. Yeah… it’s a weird title, but he’s a weird guy.
(— re: From A Buick 8 by Stephen King and annunciation.)
“Do you have any chess books… on chess?”
“No, but we have some chess books on backgammon.”
“Oh. Well, I like backgammon.”
(while ringing up customer)
“What can I help you find… uh, you know what? I’m getting my programmed responses mixed up.”
(most WTF question ever.)
“I’m looking for books about the presidents from England before the war.”
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This interview is over [Jul. 5th, 2012|06:09 pm]

Was linked to this amazing podcast by Robert Carlyle…


He talks about his childhood.  I haven’t finished listening to it yet, but I’m about a fourth of the way through and it’s very moving.  He grew up poor and his dad couldn’t work because he had to watch Robert (his mom left them when he was young) and they had to scrounge to survive.  I can’t help but imagine he must think about his father a lot when he portrays Rumplestiltskin (esp pre-curse). The person who linked me also said he talks about a book that changed his life. Can’t help but admit I’m looking forward to that.

(and there is always time for facetiousness)

L: Robert Carlyle, why did you say you only read scripts during your twitter Q&A session when in another interview you cited a book as having “changed your life”?

RC: Well I read scripts Now. Before I acted so much, it was different.

L: You could have said “I used to read…”

RC: That wasn’t the question you asked.

L: What am I talking to a fuckin’ Vulcan or something? Why are you being a dick about it?

RC: ….who are you?

L: a fan.

RC: Are You?

L: The biggest.

RC: Then why are you giving me such a hard time?

L: It’s because I’m a fan I’m giving you a hard time.

RC: ………

L: ……..

RC: I’m leaving now.

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He loves babies [Jul. 3rd, 2012|11:47 am]

L: You know that song “Father Figure” by George Michael? You gave me a CD that was a FullMetal Alchemist Fan Soundtrack… but that song on it reminds me more and more of Rumplestiltskin and Belle when I listen to it.

K: Yeah?

L: There are just so many passages that make sense that way. “I will be your father figure” - well, he’s old enough to be her dad. “Just wanna see my baby’s blue eyes shine” - she has blue eyes. “I have had enough of crime” - he’s The Dark One, a bad dude.

K: It’s ok. I never liked that song. It always made me feel odd and… off, when I listened to it.

L: That’s because it’s vaguely pedophilic. Which also fits Rumplestiltskin.

K: Haha
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Smooth Escape [Jun. 11th, 2012|04:10 pm]
Random Stranger at Picnic: "I have so many plates. I need to learn to juggle."

L: "I know someone who could teach you."

RS: "Who?"

L: "Robert Carlyle"

RS: "Where is he?"

L: "Glasgow, Scotland"

RS: "......"

L: "I'll go get him." (leaves)

K: "Hey, where is Elle going?"

RS: "uh, Scotland?"

(And so she did - because deep down, she was just a crazy fuck.)


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"I'm Sending Sexy Away" [Jun. 9th, 2012|11:27 pm]
L: I realize I find all of Mr. Gold’s earlier scenes in the show sexier than his later ones.

K: Why?

L: I don’t know. I think it was because he kept checking Emma and Regina out and smirking at them in his certain way.

K: Haha

L: I don’t think he does it later. Maybe as an actor, once he learned about the Belle storyline he revised his performance to not be checking out chicks.

K: What a Good dude.

L: “I was playing Rumplestiltskin as a Ladies Man… but I had to change my game.”

K: “I may be a sketchy character, but I’m not a Jerk.”
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Robert Carlyle, why do you Hate Books? [Jun. 5th, 2012|12:19 am]
So, I'm really into this show called "Once Upon A Time". Like, really into it. Season One just wrapped up and it was beautiful - oh, and I'm crushing pretty hard on one of the characters.

This guy:

Ain't he fine? Oh hells yeah. What I would refer to delicately as a "FILF". But what is a crush without a little spice to go along with it? So, I'd like to share with you my beef with this guy.

So the actor (Robert Carlyle) has done a few live Q&A sessions on Twitter in the past, and I was fortunate enough to have my question answered.

I had several questions. (What kind of books do you read? Which of your characters are you most similar to? Will you marry me?) But I had to pick one. I’m a big book person, so I really wanted to know his literary habits, and I went with that one.

I sent the question exactly 25 times during that hour. LOTS of people were tweeting him, so I just kept trying and trying. Twitter doesn’t let you send exactly the same message within a certain period, so I had to recompose each time. I was worried that when/if he finally saw it, I’d have run out of words and he would think English wasn’t my first language. (“BOOKS. READ. WHAT?”)

Finally, just as his session was about to end, he answered.

“i read mostly scripts nowadays..”

I was Unsatisfied, though not surprised. I’d been following a few of his Q&A’s and he’s not a verbose man. Twitter allows for 140 characters, but he could get by with 50 on average. The first few days I tried to forget about it and just revel in the fact that Robert Carlyle had actually interacted with me. It wasn’t too hard, but soon it boiled down to my own personal quest… vendetta if you will to spot him reading a Book, or admit he liked them. It was prompted by this incident, related via conversation I had with my beta.

“I’m watching this show where Robert Carlyle’s character is reading a book. I tried to see what it was, and couldn’t!”
“Haha. Take a screen cap, put it on Twitter and demand to know what it is.”
“It’s me again, Carlyle. What the fuck is this?”

And a week or so later, another thing. I was watching “28 Weeks Later” with a friend. In the opening scene, RC is building a fire in a stove with his wife in this boarded up house. The first thing he does is grab this paperback book and toss it straight into the fire. My jaw dropped. All I could think was, “Fuck You, Robert Carlyle!”.

AND, in an episode of Hamish Macbeth, the town starts to get really into books The local pub becomes the local poetry beat, with volumes stacked on every surface and nobody buying drinks. Carlyle’s character is particularly blaise about the whole thing and he ends up helping to end the threat to the business. (Of course he does. Of course he does.) (“This is the only show I’ve ever seen depict reading like it’s a bad thing. I bet Robert Carlyle wrote this episode!”)

(But in all seriousness, Hamish Macbeth is brilliant. Watch It.)

So there. Sorry to go on and all, but I had to share.

One day, Robert Carlyle. One day.
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MUST....CONTROL....FIST....OF....RAGE [Aug. 20th, 2011|01:35 am]

Glenn Beck has instructed all of his followers to read "Michael Vey: Prisoner of Cell 25" By Richard Paul Evans, saying that it's the next Harry Potter.  That it exemplifies the fight of good vs. evil

I have a lot of problems with this.

1) This book is published by the same company that Glenn Beck works with.  Coincidence?

2)  Harry Potter is a generational phenomenon.  It's pretty presumptuous to claim something is the new Harry Potter.  Most people settle for "Fans of Harry Potter will love..."   Also, I feel pretty confident when I say that a fair amount of people who watch Glenn Beck are also probably the same people that jumped on the "Harry Potter is evil" bandwagon quite a few years back.

3)  Glenn Beck is ridiculous. What does he know about teen literature?  Does he even have kids?  Can robots spawn?

4) I went on Amazon.com to look up some of the reviews of this book.  They are all extremely unhelpful.  Lots of "I read this book and loved it! So did my kids!!!"  Or better yet  "I haven't read this book yet, but I'm really looking forward to it --- 5 stars!".  If you haven't READ the book, don't post in the book reviews section.  This isn't your facebook page.  All those five star reviews, no matter how unhelpful, all received "helpful" ratings.  The one review that actually outlined some of the plot and seemed like the person might have actually read it, was downvoted because they only gave it 3/5 stars.  Ridiculous.  Time will tell, hopefully.

I will be reading this book.  In fact, I'm already 100 pages into it thanks to a particularly slow night at work.  I won't be hatin', just because I'm insensed.  But this is the same reason I used to slam on Thomas Kinkaid.  Everyone said he was the "painter of light".  The Chosen Painter.  He didn't even paint crosses or anything.  It was just cottages.  And they all looked the same.  


"Richard Paul Evans?" (looks up name)  "Looks like that guy really has the market cornered on Christmas literature"

"I actually did read Richard Paul Evans' 'The Christmas Box'.  It was extremely sentimental.  The box was filled with letters.  I would have been behind it if at the end it turned out to be Pandora's box and all the worlds evils were released. Twist!"
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Conversations that almost happened but didn't [Jun. 2nd, 2011|11:44 pm]
[Tags|, ]

Customer: It's really slow in here.  That must be incredibly boring.
L: No, I love it.  I wish you weren't here right now.

L: Hey, T,  would you mind switching shifts with me next Tuesday?
T: I'm sorry, I have orchestra practice at my church that night.
L: Oh really? What instrument do you play?
T: The clarinet.
L: That's really lame.  You should quit.

D: There is a new virus out that is attacking Mac computers now.  It keeps redirecting you to porn sites when you're web browsing.
L: Sounds like a time saver, to me.


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Some of my favorite (book) things... [Mar. 1st, 2011|12:46 am]

I've just happened across a few things regarding books lately I enjoyed...

Favorite description regarding a vampire:

"A handsome prince who lived in the shadows between sunset and moonrise."

Favorite passage regarding an erection:

"He offered a hand.  It wasn't the only part of him extended in my direction."

Favorite review regarding the first in a book series:

"Do not buy this book unless you want to have to buy another book later!"

(1&3 re: A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness, 2 re: Shadowfever by Karen Marie Moning)

So, also I'm starting to play a little D&D with a group of friends on Tuesday nights.  I told the DM that I would make him a divider, since last week he resorted to crawling under the table and rolling his die on the ground so we couldn't see what he did.  I wasn't sure what I was going to start with but now I got a pretty neat looking 3-sided castle going on.  It's going to have a drawbridge too.  I wasn't sure about the drawbridge part.  I thought maybe they would see that and just think I had too much time on my hands.  I do, but that is beside the point.

And A Joke:

Two muffins get put into an oven.  One muffin turns to the other and says "Boy it sure is hot in here".  The other muffin screams "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

And an Anti-Joke:

Q: What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?

A: We are both lawyers.
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