|Oh, Robert Carlyle, how am I blocked from your Twitter account? Let me count the ways!
||[Feb. 25th, 2013|04:20 pm]
(A facetious list of occurrences of being blocked from Bobby's Twitter. Truly, it's only happened once.)
This first occurrence is a mystery, but then so is Robert Carlyle.
2. @robertcarlyle_ People go to gyms for others reasons besides lifting you ignorant fuck.
So, I had a bet going with my friend K, the end result of which I had to find a certain number of things about Robert Carlyle that I didn't like. During my searching, I found a quote where he said "Guys, particularly in the West, go to the gym and train for hours and hours to pick up something that is heavier than them. Why would you want to do that?". I don't disagree. I find that veiny bulging look lifters cultivate disgusting - but I'm from the West, and I go to gyms. I got a little defensive, what can I say? (And frankly, it's ironic - considering two large gym chains near me are named after his characters - "The Rush" & "Gold's Gym". Are they actually named For his characters? Is that what the founders had in mind? I like to think so. Take that, Robert Carlyle.)
3. @robertcarlyle_ I like you as Rumplestiltskin best. You look better when you can't tell you're you.
Someone asked me what my favorite Robert Carlyle picture was. I showed them one of him as Rumplestiltskin and they were surprised - "Don't you want pictures of the him underneath all that?". No. No I don't. I find him plenty attractive, but I like the leather & make up clad rock star look, what can I say? And I wasn't trying to be rude, I just wanted him to know what a bang up job the makeup department did. Touchy guy.
4. @robertcarlyle_ Do you think there is a chance you'll ever go on a murdering spree?
This came from a conversation I had with my brother.
L: If I got a dog, I could name him Rumplestiltskin or Mr. Gold.
B: What about when you start to hate him? Then what will you do?
L: I might become less obsessed, but why would I hate him?
B: What if he started murdering people? In real life?
L: Let's cross that bridge if we come to it, shall we?
I just wanted to get ahead of the game. It doesn't hurt to ask and there are no stupid questions! That's what my teachers always told me.
5. @robertcarlyle_ My best friend thinks about you giving handjobs in a bathroom every time she goes to Biltmore.
I guess I get why this one is justifiable - but let's put it into context, shall we?
Another extension of the bet with K. She had to find things she appreciated about my crush. This doesn't exactly fall into the category of 'appreciate', but...
K: So, I have the audiobook of his you had me listen to on my phone. I had the shuffle mode for music turned on as we were driving to Biltmore. In the moment when we rounded the corner, and I saw the majesty of the Biltmore mansion appear before me, a random chapter from that book came on, and it was your boy talking about jerking off another guy in a basement bathroom. So now, my first memory of this beautiful house is always going to be narrated by his dirty bathroom sex in my head.
Is in context better? I don't know - but he's the one that narrated it.
6: @robertcarlyle_ One day, everyone will know you belong to me.
This had to do with the scene in "The Outsider" where Mr. Gold beat the ever-loving s**t out of Captain Hook. A good scene.
D: I thought of you when I saw that scene! So good.
L: You should always think of me whenever you see Rumplestiltskin. It's my goal for everyone to do so. I messaged him to say that one day everyone will know he belongs to me. And that was the sixth time I was blocked from Robert Carlyle's Twitter account.
D: I kind of hope you're not kidding.
7: @robertcarlyle_ It's me again, Carlyle. What the fuck is this?
A little while back, Mr. Carlyle did a series of Twitter Q&As. After asking 25 times, he answered my query about what his favorite books were. He said "i only read scripts nowadays..". He could have mentioned books he'd liked in the past, or even better, say he wasn't really inclined to read books at all - which I only discovered later, after much questing. Anyways, during my search I became quite obsessed with finding examples of him reading books. In one episode of Hamish Macbeth, he's sitting on a couch with a Louis L'Amour novel, but I never could make out the cover. K suggested I take a picture of it and ask him about it via Twitter. So I did.
8: @robertcarlyle_ I have a bath and hand towel set embroidered with your likeness.
I thought he would be flattered!
This probably won't be the last time. I'm going to have so many bogus/abandoned Twitter accounts by the time this is done, not to mention email addresses.